Top 100 Accountant jokes | Very funny accountant jokes | Tax accountant jokes.

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Top 100 Accountant jokes

1. Accountant jokes

Mr. Evans was the Chief Accountant of a large
manufacturing concern.
Every day, on arriving at work, he would
unlock the top drawer of his
desk, peer at something inside, then
close and lock the drawer. he had
done this for 25 years. the entire
staff was intrigued but no one was
game to ask him what was in the
drawer. Finally, the time came […]

2. Accountant jokes

A businessman was interviewing
applicants for the position of divisional manager. He devised a simple test to
select the most suitable person for the job. He asked each
the applicant the
The question, “What is two and two?”
The first interviewee
was a journalist. His answer was “Twenty-two.”
The second was a
social worker. She said, “I don’t know the answer
but I’m […]

3. Accountant jokes

Once upon a time there was a beautiful oil
company.
All day long she loved to run up and down the share price
list, laughing
and skipping. But one day she was very sad, because
she couldn’t find
an interim dividend anywhere and she knew people
would be very angry if
she couldn’t produce it.
“What’s
wrong, little oil company?” said a gruff voice nearby.
She […]

4. Accountant jokes

There once was an accountant who lived her whole life
without
ever taking advantage of any of the people she worked for. In
fact, she
made sure that every job she did resulted in a win-win
situation.
One day while walking down the street she was
tragically hit by a bus
and she died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where
she was met […]

5. Accountant jokes

A man walking along a country road comes
across a farmer droving a huge mob of sheep. He stops and chats for a
while and then says, “Tell you what, I’ll bet you $100 against one
of
your sheep that I can tell you the exact number in that
flock.”
The farmer thinks for a moment, it is a […]

6. Accountant jokes

An
accountant goes into a pet shop to
buy a parrot. The shop owner shows
him three identical parrots on a
perch and says, “The parrot on the
left costs $500.”
“Why
does that parrot cost so much?” asks the accountant.
“Well,”
replies the owner, “it knows how to do complex audits.”
“How much does
the middle parrot cost?” asks the accountant.
“That one costs
$1,000 because it […]

7. Accountant jokes

Three partners
in an accounting firm go
out to lunch. They are the audit partner, the
tax partner and the
senior partner. One of them sees a brass lamp lying
in the gutter.
Curious, they pick it up and give it a rub. Instantly, a
genie
appears.
“You know the deal,” says the genie. “Three wishes. But
seeing there
are three of you, you can have […]

8. Accountant jokes

An
internal auditor for a manufacturing
group was concerned about anomalies in
stock levels. He thought
someone might be pinching stock but he
couldn’t prove it. He had his
eye on one shifty-looking individual who every
day drove his old
truck out of the factory with the load covered by a
tarpaulin. Time
after time the auditor stopped the bloke, made him
remove the
tarpaulin and then […]

9. Accountant jokes

A young accountant, straight out
of uni,
applies for a job advertised in the Sydney Morning Herald. He is
interviewed by the owner of a small business who has built it up from
scratch.
“I need someone with an accounting degree,” says the
man, “but
mainly I’m looking for someone to do my worrying for
me.”
“How do you mean?” says the […]

10. Accountant jokes

The young accounting graduate, fresh out of
uni and knowing everything, applied for his first job. The
prospective
employer asked him what starting salary he was looking
for.
“Oh, around $100,000 a year, depending on the benefits
package.”
“Well, how does this sound? Five weeks annual leave, 22.5%
superannuation, paid expenses to overseas conferences every year, home
telephone
reimbursed and a company car […]

11. Accountant jokes

A tourist, visiting a small town in
Israel, came upon a statue dedicated
to “The Unknown Soldier”. At the
base of the statue, a sign was
displayed:
“Here lies Seymour
Ruthenberg”.
The tourist inquired of one of the locals how was it
possible an
unknown
had a name.
The resident replied, “As a
soldier, that Seymour was pretty much
unknown,
but as an
accountant-Oy! He was something.”

12. Accountant jokes

Q: How many Accountants
does it take to
change a light bulb?
A: What sort of answer did you have in mind
?
A: None-just assume it’s changed.

13. Accountant jokes

What’s an extroverted accountant?
One
who looks at your shoes while he’s talking to you instead of his
own.

14. Accountant jokes

What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don’t?
Depreciation.

15. Accountant jokes

Four Laws of Accounting:
1. Trial balances don’t.
2. Bank reconciliations never do.
3. Working capital does not.
4. Return on investments never will.

16. Accountant jokes

Welcome to the Accounting department, where everybody counts.

17. Accountant jokes

A farmer sends his accounting sheepdog, Spot, off to gather in his 8 sheep. On returning the farmer is astonished to find he now has 10 animals in his pen and asks the dog to explain. “Woof! You asked me to round them up, woof”, barks Spot.

18. Accountant jokes

How does an accountant stay out of debt?
He learns to act his wage.

19. Accountant jokes

There are just two rules for creating a successful accountancy business:
1. Don’t tell them everything you know.
2. [Redacted]

20. Accountant jokes

How do you know when an accountant’s having a mid-life crisis?
He gets a faster calculator.

21. Accountant jokes

Why do economists exist?
So accountants have someone to laugh at.

22. Accountant jokes

What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don’t?
Depreciation

23. Accountant jokes

What did the accountant say when he got a blank check?
My deductions have at last caught up with the salary.

24. Accountant jokes

What’s the definition of a good tax accountant?
 Someone who has a loophole named after him.

25. Accountant jokes

What does CPA stand for? 
Can’t Pass Again.

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26. Accountant jokes

What’s the difference between an accountant and a lawyer? 
The accountant knows he’s boring.

27. Accountant jokes

What does an accountant say when boarding a train?

“Mind the GAAP.”

28. Accountant jokes

A woman went to the doctor who told her she only had 6 months to live.
“Oh my God!” said the woman. “What shall I do?”
“Marry an accountant,” suggested the doctor.
“Why?” asked the woman. “Will that make me live longer?”
“No,” replied the doctor. “But it will SEEM longer.”

29. Accountant jokes

The best things in life are free — plus tax, of course.

30. Accountant jokes

Why don’t skunks have to pay taxes? Because they only have one scent.

31. Accountant jokes

Did you hear about the blonde Management Accountant?
She went to see her fitness trainer to talk about stretch targets.

32. Accountant jokes

What is the definition of “accountant”? Someone who solves a problem you didn’t know you had in a way you don’t understand.

33. Accountant jokes

What’s the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?
The accountant knows he’s boring.

34. Accountant jokes

Why do accountants make good lovers?
They’re great with figures.

35. Accountant jokes

What do actuaries do to liven up their office party?
Invite an accountant.

36. Accountant jokes

Two things in life are inevitable: death and taxes.
At least death only happens once.

37. Accountant jokes

What did the overworked asset say to the other asset?
I feel so under depreciated.

38. Accountant jokes

A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

39. Accountant jokes

What do you call a trial balance that doesn’t balance?
A late night.

40. Accountant jokes

Why are accountants always so calm, composed, and methodical?
They have strong internal controls.

41. Accountant jokes

Why don’t old accountants die? They just lose their balance!

42. Accountant jokes

How do accountants make a bold fashion statement?
Wear their dark grey socks instead of the light grey.

43. Accountant jokes

Children may be tax-deductible, but they’re still taxing.

44. Accountant jokes

Why did the auditor cross the road? Because he looked in the file and that’s what they did last year.

45. Accountant jokes

How can you tell if an accountant is extroverted? 
He looks at your shoes while he’s talking to you instead of his own.

46. Accountant jokes

How do you know when an accountant is on holiday?
He doesn’t wear a tie and comes in after 8 am!

47. Accountant jokes

What is the definition of a good tax accountant? Someone who has a loophole named after him.

48. Accountant jokes

Why did the auditor get run over crossing the road? Auditors never actually do the risk assessment well until after the accident happens.

49. Accountant jokes

How many accounts does it take to screw in a light bulb? How many did it take last year?

50. Accountant jokes

A business owner tells her friend that she is desperately searching for an accountant. Her friend asks, “Didn’t your company hire an accountant a short while ago?” The business owner replies, “That’s the accountant I’ve been searching for.”

51. Accountant jokes

Did you hear about the shy and retiring accountant? The accountant is $1 million shy and hence is retiring.

52. Accountant jokes

An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor. “Doctor, I just can’t get to sleep at night.” “Have you tried counting sheep?” “That’s the problem – I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it.”

53. Accountant jokes

Some say that nobody should keep too much to themselves. The IRS office is of the same opinion.

54. Accountant jokes

A guy in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, “Want to hear an accountant joke?” The guy next to him replies, “Well, before you tell that joke, you should know that I’m 6 feet tall, 200 pounds, and I’m an accountant. And the guy sitting next to me is 6’2″ tall, 225 pounds, and he’s an accountant. Now, do you still want to tell that joke?” The first guy says, “No, I don’t want to have to explain it two times.”

55. Accountant jokes

What do you call a trial balance that doesn’t balance? A late night.

56. Accountant jokes

Two accountants are in a bank, when armed robbers burst in. While several of the robbers take the money from the tellers, others line the customers, including the accountants, up against a wall, and proceed to take their wallets, watches, etc. While this is going on accountant number one jams something in accountant number two’s hand. Without looking down, accountant number two whispers, “What is this?” to which accountant number one replies, “it’s that $50 I owe you.”

57. Accountant jokes

How do you know when an accountant is on holiday? He doesn’t wear a tie and comes in after 8am!

58. Accountant jokes

What do you call a financial controller who always works through lunch, takes two days holiday every two years, is in the office every weekend, and leaves every night after 10 p.m.? Lazy.

59. Accountant jokes

Welcome to the accounting department, where everybody counts.

60. Accountant jokes

What’s grey and not there? An accountant on vacation.

61. Accountant jokes

Why do some accountants decide to become actuaries? They find bookkeeping too exciting.How can you tell if an accountant is extroverted? 

62. Accountant jokes

Accountant after reading a nursery rhyme to his child, “No, son. It wouldn’t be tax deductible when Little Bo Peep loses her sheep. But I like your thinking.”

63. Accountant jokes

How do you drive an accountant completely insane? Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him and fold a road map the wrong way.

64. Accountant jokes

What did the accountant say when he looked at the tax form? The man who set the standard deduction must have been a bachelor. I am lying when I am listing myself as the head of household.

65. Accountant jokes

How can you tell if an accountant is eHow can you tell when the chief accountant is getting soft? When he actually listens to marketing before saying no.

66. Accountant jokes

What would an accountant want for a superpower? Telepathy with an excel spreadsheet.

67. Accountant jokes

An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor. “Doctor, I just can’t get to sleep at night.” “Have you tried counting sheep?” “That’s the problem – I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it.”

68. Accountant jokes

What’s an extroverted accountant? One who looks at your shoes while he’s talking to you instead of his own.

69. Accountant jokes

Why did God invent economists? So accountants could have someone to laugh at.

70. Accountant jokes

How canWhat is the definition of a good tax accountant? Someone who has a loophole named after him.

71. Accountant jokes

How do you drive an accountant completely insane? Tie them to a chair and mess up their excel formulas.

72. Accountant jokes

How canEver wonder why they call it a Form 1040? For every $50 you earn, you get $10, they get $40.

73. Accountant jokes

What’s the difference between death and taxes? Congress doesn’t meet every year to make death worse

74. Accountant jokes

Did you hear about the constipated CFO? He couldn’t budget with his calculator so he had to work it out with a pencil and paper.

75. Accountant jokes

Why did the accountant stare at his glass of orange juice for three hours? Because on the box it said Concentrate.

76. Accountant jokes

Did you hear about the deviant Forensic Accountant? He got his client’s charges reduced from gross indecency to net indecency.

77. Accountant jokes

An economist is someone who didn’t have enough personality to become an accountant.

78. Accountant jokes

How can you tell when the chief accountant is getting soft? When he actually listens to marketing before saying no.

79. Accountant jokes

Why are accountants always so calm, composed, and methodical? They have strong internal controls.

80. Accountant jokes

Did you hear about the deviant Forensic Accountant? He got his client’s charges reduced from gross indecency to net indecency.

81. Accountant jokes

Why do accountants get excited at the weekends? Because they can wear casual clothes to work.

82. Accountant jokes

What do you call an accountant without a calculator? Lonely.

83. Accountant jokes

How can yoWhat do you call an accountant who is seen talking to someone? Popular

84 . Accountant jokes

If an accountant’s wife cannot sleep, what does she say? “Darling, could you tell me about your work.”

85. Accountant jokes

There are 3 types of accountants. Those who can count and those who can’t.

86. Accountant jokes

How does Santa’s accountant value his sleigh? Net Present Value

87. Accountant jokes

How was copper wire invented? 2 accountants were arguing over a penny.

88. Accountant jokes

what is the definition of an insolvency practitioner? Someone who arrives after the battle, bayonets all the wounded, pawns their possessions and charges their time to the relatives.

89. Accountant jokes

How can you tell if an accountant is how does an accountant trash their hotel room? By refusing to fill in the Guest Comment Card.

90. Accountant jokes

Accountants don’t die, they get derecognized.

91. Accountant jokes

Where there’s a will, there’s a tax shelter.

92. Accountant jokes

Why don’t accountants read novels? Because the only numbers in them are page numbers

93. Accountant jokes

What do you call an accountant who says he’s posted a one-sided journal? A liar!! Under Sarbox rules it just can’t happen! Can it??!!

94. Accountant jokes

What music is played at a financial accountant’s funeral? The Last Post.

95. Accountant jokes

Have you heard the joke about the interesting accountant? No. Me neither.

96. Accountant jokes

Why do accountants get excited at the weekends? Because they can wear casual clothes to work.

97. Accountant jokes

Did you hear about the fraudulent Irish Finance Director? He burned his office down trying to cook the books.

98. Accountant jokes

What’s grey on the inside and red on the outside? An accountant turned inside out.

99. Accountant jokes

A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

100. Accountant jokes

Why did the cannibal accountant get disciplined? For buttering up her clients.

101. Accountant jokes

A woman went to the doctor who told her she only had 6 months to live.
“Oh No!” said the woman. “What shall I do?”
“Marry an accountant,” suggested the doctor.
“Why?” asked the woman. “Will that make me live longer?”
“No,” replied the doctor. “But it will SEEM longer.”

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